Evidence Suggests the Apple that Eve Ate Was a Caramel Apple

By Britney Aquinas

In a development that may explain why the biblical Eve gave in to temptation and ate the fruit of the forbidden tree, an Israeli archaeologist has found evidence indicating that the fruit in question was a caramel apple.

The only known photograph of Eve holding an unbitten apple

The only known photograph of Eve holding an unbitten apple

Long thought to have been a plain and relatively flavorless Red Delicious apple, the “fatal fruit” has caused generations of biblical scholars to scratch their heads over the appeal it had for Eve. But a plausible answer to the mystery now exists.

“My excavations in the Garden of Eden have unearthed traces of caramel in the soil beneath the tree of knowledge,” said Dr. Yuli Menzel, director of the Institute of Biblical Archaeology at Tel Aviv University. “Why was the caramel there? Of course we cannot say for sure, but the most likely explanation is that this tree—undoubtedly the most extraordinary tree in history—once produced caramel apples.”

If true, Menzel’s claim would mitigate and possibly even cancel the sin that Eve is supposed to have committed when, in defiance of God’s command, she ate the forbidden fruit and then persuaded her boyfriend and BFF Adam to eat it.

“An average person with a typical sweet tooth could not reasonably be expected to resist picking a caramel apple if it’s hanging in front of him, or, in this case, her,” said Father Wally Anderson, head of the Vatican’s committee for the resolution of doctrinal perplexities. “The Church must now look at Eve’s disobedience in a new light. Perhaps it’s time that the Church apologize for its absurd and nasty insinuation that Eve, and by extension all women, are somehow implicated in the so-called Fall of man and the stain of Original Sin.”