Street Signs to Warn of People with Emotional and Personality Disorders

By Minnie Dot

Motorists are familiar with the yellow, diamond-shaped signs warning them to proceed with caution on residential streets because of a DEAF CHILD or BLIND CHILD or an AUTISTIC CHILD in the area.

As of January 1, similar signs will warn drivers of additional reasons to proceed with caution, following the Department of Transportation’s approval last week of signs warning of people with mental, emotional or personality disorders.

Examples of the new signs include: NARCISSISTIC ADULT AREA, AVOIDANT WOMAN ON LEFT, PROFOUNDLY CHILDISH MAN AHEAD, BORDERLINE PERSONALITY IN ALLEY, and YIELD TO ANTISOCIAL WEAPONS COLLECTOR ON RIGHT.

“It was my own deeply troubled husband who made me realize we needed to add these signs,” said Mary Wheelwright, director of the transportation department’s Division of Fear and Worry. “I mean he’s absolutely riddled with mental and emotional problems. He’s incapable of holding a job because of his OCD. When he last worked—this was eight years ago—he spent most of his time at the office brushing his teeth and sterilizing the employee bathroom so he could use it. He even brought his own toilet seat to work and had to screw it on and off every time he had to…sit down to go.”

The transportation department is currently reviewing signage that would warn of unstable relationships and immature people in residential areas. Wheelwright said such signs may include: WEIRDLY CODEPENDENT COUPLE AREA, ADULT PERSONALITIES UNDER CONSTRUCTION, INCONCEIVABLY INFANTILE PEOPLE AHEAD, and SIX OF TEN MARRIAGES TEETERING OVER EMOTIONAL ABYSS IN NEIGHBORHOOD SOUTHWEST OF HERE.

Also under discussion, said Wheelwright, are signs warning of troubled animals. Examples include: PARANOID OWL AREA, ADHD GNATS AHEAD, ANTISOCIAL SQUIRREL IN CUL-DE-SAC, and DYSMORPHOPHOBIC DEER WITH RAGE DISORDER IN REARVIEW MIRROR.