By Dahlia Tennyson
Milan Fashion Week always delivers on Italian veggie glamour, and this year was no exception. The runway was on fire with the latest, hottest haute couture. Soiled classics were de rigueur. To break down the best of the best, I’ll select the top look from each major collection.
A limp, androgynous carrot with its greens cropped short took to the runway in an unzipped jean jacket worn over a flirty little party dress. The colors were watery blues and swamp-bottom purples with polka dots of girly pink and boy-toy yellow. Accessories included a burlap scarf flung around the neck cowboy-style and two oversized leather saddlebags tied to the waist.
Above a lone strappy sandal, the carrot had julienned itself to the knee for a carefree look. A delighted fan yodeled, “Superbe! Et oui, j’adore le chaussure.”
A hermaphroditic beet with steamed greens clinging to its neck and cheeks waddled down the runway in a sheer gown with a diaphanous overlay. Peep-toe shoes revealed dirty feet and a bad case of athlete’s foot. The beet-red model clutched a Florentine leather grocery sack adorned with beadwork and food stains.
“J’aime ce look,” rhapsodized an onlooker. “Et les chaussures!”
Massimo Giorgetti (MSGM)
A withered parsnip entirely nude except for ink, one bootie, and an ostrich feather flapper headband drew gasps from melon-eyed spectators. Smudged with soil and rinsed but not dried, the parsnip showcased Giorgetti’s signature back-to-the-land look, dubbed “hippie filth” by one journalist.
“A bruised, partially rotted look is what luxury brands crave right now,” said Jonny Gibraltar (pronounced with a soft ‘g’), the chief executive of 816 Agency, a branding and consulting firm in New York. “L’Oreal, Christian Dior, Net-a-Porter, Prada—this season they can’t get enough rot. Decay and decomposition are definitely in.”