Ladybugs Eliminate Men

By Bea Pea 

Sick and tired of war and violence and stupid aggression in its many destructive forms, ladybugs on Wednesday eliminated their male counterparts and established the first modern society consisting only of women.

Following a hectic day of lobbying and voting, females officially changed their name from “bugs” to “ladybugs,” thus highlighting the unisexual nature of their new community. Bowing to necessity, they identified seven healthy males to keep for purposes of reproduction only. 

In seeking legislative approval for the removal of men, ladybugs had to prove that at least 95 percent of “brainless violence” was male-generated. Medical analysis satisfied lawmakers on this score. A blood test given to the men and women showed that male blood cells were shaped like fists while female cells were shaped like hearts.

In a Skype interview Thursday afternoon, Ladybug President Tanya Redback said that since the elimination of men, nearly 24 hours ago, there had not been a single act of violence.

“I spoke with Police Chief Megan Yellowback an hour ago,” said Redback, “and she couldn’t recall another day in which there had been no dumb fighting or thuggish behavior. We both agreed that the decision to rid society of men came much too late.”