One-Ton Bucking Bull Overtakes Trump in Latest G.O.P. Poll

By James Ayrshire

In a surprising but not altogether shocking political development, a 2,000-pound bucking bull named Clarence has surpassed Donald J. Trump and become the leading candidate in the race for the G.O.P. presidential nomination, according to a survey of likely Republican voters.

The bull, a nasty bucker descended from a line of notorious buckers distinguished by their hysterical kicking and stomping, entered the contest in May after judging the field of candidates to be physically dull and mentally limp. In joining the race, Clarence, a Brahman of dark chestnut coloring, cut short a promising season on the rodeo circuit in which not a single cowboy had ridden him for the eight seconds necessary to qualify for a score.

The Saddleback Times/Bronco News Poll shows Clarence leading the G.O.P. field with the support of 54 percent of registered Republicans, while Mr. Trump is second with 42 percent. No support was expressed for any of the remaining candidates, with the exception of Gov. Scott Walker, whose wife is “leaning toward” supporting him.

In addition to asking voters which candidate they favor, the survey posed the question: “What is the most important thing you look for in a president?”  Respondents answered as follows:

  • A loud and frightening snort — 21 percent
  • Intimidating horns — 19 percent
  • A narrow mind offset by a massive chest — 15 percent
  • The capacity to explode in a rage at anything that moves — 14 percent
  • An impulsive, violent approach to solving differences with others — 9 percent
  • The ability to throw a man — 7 percent
  • A record of siring cranky bulls — 6 percent