Cruz Proposes Veterinary Care Act for People

Keeping his promise to offer an alternative to the Affordable Care Act — better known as Obamacare — Ted Cruz on Wednesday outlined the Veterinary Care Act, a sweeping new health plan that would require veterinary clinics and animal hospitals to provide medical care for people.

Cruz unveiled the proposal at the Paws for Christ Pet Clinic in Houston. Under the plan, families with a combined income of less than $150,000 per year would be encouraged to choose an animal clinic and a primary care veterinarian to meet all their health care needs. The Texas senator jested that henceforth co-pays should be known as “co-paws,” but then he turned serious:  

“My plan would radically lower costs by eliminating nearly all medical services traditionally available to working people and the middle class,” said Cruz. “Those who sign up for the plan — called Freedom Care — would instead benefit from a full range of veterinary services, such as ear cleaning, nail trimming, deworming, anal gland expression, microchipping, and of course spaying and neutering. So-called hospital stays would take place in high-quality pet boarding facilities.”

Cruz then leaned down to scratch a frightened golden retriever held firmly in place by a staff technician. “Don’t be afraid, little poochie,” said Cruz, “I’m not going to take away your health care; I’m just going to share it with a lot of people who can’t afford human doctors and human hospitals.”