Bible Foretells Triumph of ‘Pale Woman’ Over Preliterate Man-Beast in 2016 U.S. Presidential Election

Prophetic passages in “Revelations,” the last book of the Christian Bible, strongly indicate that a white woman will defeat an ignorant man-beast in the 2016 U.S. presidential election, according to biblical scholars.

Midway through “Revelations” — written in ancient Greek between the years 80 and 100 AD — a voice from heaven says, “A white-faced woman (literally a ‘pale-cheeked woman’) will occupy a white house after vanquishing a tiny-brained (literally a ‘walnut-brained’) man-beast or serpent-person in the year 68 x 29 + 44.” 

“There’s no question that this prophecy relates to the outcome of the election in November,” said Donald Pennington, a professor of Christian hermeneutics at Mother Mary College in Philadelphia. “How else to interpret words such as these, from “Revelations” 29:32:

“And I beheld an upright-walking beast coming up out of Brooklyn, or possibly Queens; a beast with human visage and presidential aspirations, a false prophet and fornicator; and unto him was given a mouth speaking foul things (literally 'fecal words') and blasphemies. And with flaming hair and unnaturally white teeth he deceiveth them that dwell in the north and the south, the east and the west, but mostly in the south.”

Opposing the man-beast is the “white woman in a pantsuit (literally ‘man-trouser garb’).” In “Revelations” 41:96, a voice from heaven says, “Blessed is she, the pale wife of a much-sinning husband, a husband who himself hath drunk of the bitter wine of fornication — blessed is she that slays the nut-brained beast, the empty-skulled brute that speaketh much but thinketh little, and readeth not at all."

The heavenly voice carries over waves of air and airwaves across the land, saying: “Glory be unto her, God’s chosen daughter, for she will sitteth upon the throne in the white-pillared house, and will put away the husband into a much-sealed sub-basement.”