Relieved Nation Wakes and Realizes Trump Was just a Nightmare, Not a Real Person

In what psychologists are calling a rare instance of a collective national nightmare, Americans went to sleep on Thursday night and dreamed that an unstable and juvenile ignoramus named Donald J. Trump was within inches of being elected president of the United States and having control of the nation’s nuclear arsenal.

On waking Friday morning in a heavy sweat, though, Americans realized it was just a horrible dream. Sitting half upright in bed and pressing their faces into a moist palm, all wide-awake U.S. adults sighed in profound relief as the ghastly scenario was revealed to be nothing but a fiction.

Sleep experts and psychiatrists said that a general state of anxiety and restlessness in the population was the likely cause of the nightmare. As a way of ensuring better sleep and happier dreams, therapists around the nation are recommending that people get more physical exercise, stay mentally active, and repeat the following phrase ten times before going to bed: There is no Trump, there is no Trump, there is no Trump…