Trump Vows To Memorize Whole Alphabet While President, or Possibly Afterward

Saying he can already recite the letters A through K without looking at his flash cards, President Donald Trump on Tuesday vowed to memorize the entire alphabet before the end of his term in office, or, if not by then, sometime after that.

In an unusually candid interview with Fox News preteen interns, Mr. Trump spoke of his yearning to know all the letters that make up words in the English language. He acknowledged his years of frustration and failure in trying to remember the letter that follows K in the alphabet.

“I don’t know why but I keep getting stuck on what comes after K,” Mr. Trump said, holding an L flash card to his forehead and trying not to peek at it. “Give me a hint: What’s the letter look like? Is it one of those squiggly ones?”

Lifting an eye to glimpse an exposed corner of the flash card, the president of the United States shouted “L” — “H, I, J, K, L. That’s it, I got it!”

“You peeked!” the children screamed. “No fair, you peeked!”

“Did not,” the president of the greatest nation on earth said. “I swear to you I didn’t peek. You kids sound like a bunch of liberals — I’m finished here.”

And with that, the leader of the free world stormed out of the room.