The Humble Parsnip
The poet Ogden Nash could not have been more wrong in his judgment about parsnips. Still, his verse below is worth reading:
The parsnip, children, I repeat,
Is simply an anemic beet.
Some people call the parsnip edible;
Myself, I find this claim incredible.
Frank Eagle was born and raised in a nest atop a Norway pine, which still stands four miles southwest of Mineral Point, Wisc. At the age of six, he tested out of elementary school and high school and enrolled at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, where in three weeks he earned bachelor’s degrees in classics and ancient Greek philology. He then attended Columbia University in New York City, taking 14 hours to write a master’s thesis in psycholinguistics, in which he analyzed the reasons human beings often say one thing and do another. Without further study, his PhD was granted to him by the Columbia provosts, in acknowledgement of his extraordinary academic accomplishments. He currently resides alone in a nest two miles east of Caledonia, Minn.
The Noble Owl
The clamorous owl,
that nightly hoots and wonders
At our quaint spirits.
— William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night’s Dream